Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Just Duck-Swimming

I want to get satisfied by not getting satisfied or I should say- I don't want to get satisfied by getting satisfied. The statement has a never ending recursion in it, folks having some programming knowledge will easily get the point I am trying to make.

I want to swim like a duck paddling hard with all the sincerity yet making others feel as if its idle. I don't want to flutter my wings ferociously without taking even a decent flight. I love it when my juices start disappearing as the situation demands more, I like the smell of my own blood, I love the hard thump of my heart beat more than any other vibration creating sensation through my ears to the brain, every time my heart misses a beat I feel rejuvenated.

I love developing a sense of sight when someone puts an opaque wall on my eyes. The mere electro-magnetic-biological sensors of my body mean so very little compared to my conscience governing the obvious and not-so-obvious. I don't run every other race coz I need this feeling of failure of not doing anything to feed my ignition system, which has developed so much greed of thrust to get started. It keeps fooling me by not telling me that the next single step it takes will require even larger displacement and bigger thrust than the previous one. It doesn't take long for me to figure out its game, but isn't it what I want and how I want it.

Tackling multiple balls at the same time often changes the contours of my face and gives me a somewhat awkward look, but hardly anyone knows that this is the look I strive to achieve and love to wear. The torn establishments provide more stability to the framework which shoulders the responsibility of keeping my mental shakiness in control. The well-cut corners and perfectly polished planes irritate me while circularly angular views, scarcely lit dark space, rough edged verticals and uneven horizontal bases are what make me feel comfortable.

2 Comments:

At September 24, 2008 at 9:53 AM , Blogger puja vipin said...

ohhh my baby duck...love you

 
At October 19, 2008 at 11:50 AM , Blogger Siddharth Khadke said...

hmmmm.. satisfaction is a base condition for happiness. :) So try to put a basic "return" statement in your recursive function. As in, identify what are the things which will satisfy you.

But then satisfaction is the death of achievement, the end of desires. But there is a solution. Very often we tend to think very short term. That is when we confuse our life to be like a recursive function :). Actually it is more like a "main" program which calls many recursive functions in a series.

As kids we had different desires.. as we grow we have different.

Actually dont be affraid of being "satisfied". It will still keep your hunger for achievement alive. Just learn to seperate satisfaction from goals.

Finally, what you aim for today, will be your satisfaction tomorrow. What you achieved yesterday is your satisfaction today.

 

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